Words Fail Me

The crown’s representative in the colony, the Governor, lived in a lavish mansion skirtted by rivers and flower gardens.Three saucy women in the cooking house talked about all the ingredients & recipes of the era.I was particularly interested in the various flavors of “ketchup”.As good a map as they had for the time.When most people had wood or dirt floors, the Governor’s mansion was tiled with marble.The entrance hall was decorated, floor to ceiling, with weapons.  To, you know, establish a tone.More weapons in the stairwell.The Governor’s newborn “decorated” the Lady’s sitting room, to be shown off.  When the baby got fussy, she would be spirited off to another room by a nanny.Dining room.Walking between royal portraits of William & Mary into the dance hall.The garden reinforced the sense that this was a mini-Versailles carved out of the wilderness.

I spent a long, long, long time peppering the cooper with questions.  Howlongdoesittaketomakeabarrel?  Whatkindsofwooddoyouuse?  Whydobeerandalehavedifferentunitsofmeasurement?  Arethesewatertight?  Isthatoneoverthereahogsheadoratun?Worth it.

I saw that there was an axe-throwing range.  It cost an additional $10 ticket for a half-hour class.  I hurried to one of the ticket shops and asked for one.

“At what time?”
“As soon as possible,” I replied.
“That would be 10:30.  Oh, but no one else is signed up for that one.  You’d be the only one.  Is that okay?”
“Yes.  Yes, that is okay.  That is most definitely okay.”

My private axe-throwing class started with a brief history of this kind of axe (worn by British troops as a tool) and how there is no record of one ever being thrown in combat.

“Like, have you ever seen the movie The Patriot?”
“Yes.  Yes, I have.  I have seen the movie The Patriot.”
“Yeah, it’s not like that.”

I started with my left hand.  Overshot the first throw.  Undershot the second throw.  Didn’t miss another throw with my left after that.  The instructor challenged me to switch hands.  (“I’m not left handed!”)  Missed the first throw and didn’t miss another throw after that.

The instructors & I started chit-chatting while I kept throwing.   They told me that there are “axe-throwing bars” in the South where they throw axes instead of darts.

I asked one instructor how often they sharpened the axes.  He told me they aren’t sharp at all.  I ran my hand over the edge easily.  Apparently the wood of the target is so soft that the weight and velocity of the axe does all the work.

I had heard that Colonial Williamsburg was really only interesting “for kids”.  I think what they meant was it’s really only interesting “for curious people” because I loved the whole thing.It’s different than I had expected in that, other than blocked to modern traffic, the town itself is open to the public to walk through.  In the morning,  I saw at least a dozen neighbors taking their walks like they would in the suburbs at malls before the stores are open.  Tickets (worn as badges) are required for entrance into the buildings themselves to see and talk to in-character performers around town.On the “outskirts” of town (on the walk from the visitors center & parking lot to the town itself) there is a replica of a tobacco plantation.This was the colony’s capital building, built in an “H” shape.Locally-elected representatives had a chamber on one side of the “H”……while crown-approved aristocrats had a fancier chamber on the other side of the “H”……with a room in the crossbar of the “H” where the two sides could hammer out disagreements.The court room.The public jail (where pirates had been held!)Looking out the window from the second story of a pub.Until disestablishment, membership in the Episcopal church was required for things like voting rights.  Presbyterians didn’t have churches, but “meeting houses”.