Wonderland

So, this is the deal.  Every year, they hue blocks of ice from the Songhua River, stack them into amazing structures, and light them up.
Snow covering the ice — and sometimes blowing along the ground in gelid flurries —  affords traction.  As does strips of carpet, judiciously frozen into place on steps.The whole thing is like Disneyland at Christmastime!  Although, to be honest, parking & concessions seemed to be run as badly as a county fair.




In one area, giant video screens flanked a wall of ice blocks, lit from behind in a moving, psychedelic mandala…

Thankfully for my frozen hands, some of the pieces were indoors…
…including this nightmare-fuel version of Santa Claus…
…and the saddest pandas I’ve ever seen.This one whispered, “Kill me…”Tucked in the back are some even stranger, lonelier places.  Like this meticulously carved rendition of a log cabin made of packed snow…
…or this ominously vacant swimming pool, surrounded by cracked ice…
But the strangest area by far was way back in the corner:  the “Russian Culture Park.”  

Not sure what a woolly mammoth has to do with Russia, but it was certainly appropriate given the temperature.  The Russians also carved a cliff out of packed snow which reminded me of the Grand Canyon.
I especially loved these little guys.

The rest of the place was clearly a celebration of China, however.
Everything from a representation of the Great Wall…
…to a row of ice statues for each of the animals in the Chinese Zodiac…
…including mine, the tiger.
Lest we forget the Chinese name for this festival –冰雕节 (bīngdiāo jié meaning “ice carving festival”) — there were these blocks of ice, ready for artisans to work their craft.
Some blocks more ready than others.For the kids, though, there were lots and lots of slides.
Children tobaggoned down giant slalom runs.
Some ending in more ice castles……and others merely ending in mommy’s arms.
There was also a vast frozen lake for people to slide around on……dotted with playful designs like ice block “hedge mazes” or these Olympic rings.For a So Cal kid with a high center of gravity, walking across the ice was harrowing…..but if you ever get too tired of walking around, you can always take a ride in a reindeer-pulled sleigh!Insert obligatory “reindeer games” joke here.And then — just when you thought it couldn’t get any more like Disneyland — there were fireworks! 
  
Beautiful.  Simply beautiful.  And this post gave me a chance to use the word “gelid” which I’ve been trying to work into conversation for years now.  So, bonus.

Finally, I’d like to sincerely apologize to every single woman I’ve ever made fun of for being cold.

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Ice

This is a photo taken out my window at the Shangri-La Hotel overlooking the frozen Songhua River with the sun setting over the city skyline in the distance.

I’m here in Harbin for their famous annual Ice Festival.  The place is a sleepy burg by Chinese standards (a mere ten million & a half people or so) and lies so far to the northeast of the country that it wasn’t part of China through most of history.  It is the historic home of the Manchu people who would go on to rule China as the very last dynasty, the Qing.

In fact, most Americans probably know this region as “Manchuria.”  And it doesn’t take a Jessica Fletcher to realize that — much like the candidate — it’s got a strong Russian influence.

The Chinese name for the region, however, is 黑龙江 (Hēilóngjiāng meaning “Black Dragon River”) which I think everyone can agree makes it the greatest province, state, or region name of all time.

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Terminus XIII

The southwest end of Line 3 is at the massive alien spaceship known as the Shanghai South Railway Station.
The underground labyrinths of poured concrete connecting the train station, Line 3, and Line 1 had a real THX-1138 vibe.Previous terminus adventures can be found herehere, hereherehereherehereherehereherehere, and here.

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Terminus XII

This terminus adventure took me to  the end of the new Line 12 which just opened a week or two ago.
Yet again, I pop up out of the ground to find another aspirational district.  This one is in the middle of construction on a huge “business city”.Half a cinder block hanging from a wire draped over a wall.  But what’s hanging on the other side?  What’s hanging on the other side?
Previous terminus adventures can be found herehere, herehereherehereherehereherehere, and here.

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Wūrǎn

Subway stations here are running this ad campaign against pollution.  In the corner of this one, it says 污染猛于虎 (wūrǎn měng yú hǔ or “pollution is fiercer than a tiger.”)
 This one says 污染毒于蛇 (wūrǎn dú yú shé or “pollution is more venomous than a snake.”)
 And this one says 污染毒于蛇 (wūrǎn qiáng yú xióng or “pollution is stronger than a bear.”)

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Rum

In late 18th century British slang the word “rum” meant “odd” or “peculiar”.  I know this because I make it my business to know such things.

2015 was a rum year.

By far the strangest year of my life to date.  I lived abroad, traveled throughout China & Japan both by myself & with friends, worked at a company whose plans could be called “fluid” if one were at his most charitable, and my mother passed away after years of slowly fading.

It was a rum year.  But when they someday cut this redwood down and count my rings, I think they’ll find this ring one of the most interesting.

Happy New Year.

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Terminus XI

After Thames Town, I took a cab back to a nearby Line 9 station.  Several stops north — and closer to civilization — I walked to a nearby Line 10 station and visited both of its westernmost points.
Then I hoped on Line 2 to make that one stop west to it’s end point at the Hongqiao Railway Station.
Aboveground,  I found myself at Shanghai’s massive convention center.
Across the streets, things looked bleak (and I failed to find a single cab which would take me back to Xintiandi.)  I ended up taking Line 2 east back to People’s Square to get home.
But the sun setting through the pollution — with a distant cell tower looking like a water vaporator — gave me this cinematic shot.

Previous terminus adventures can be found herehere, hereherehereherehereherehere, and here.

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Terminus X

On Christmas Day, I took Line 9 all the way south to the Songjiang Railway Station.
Then I took a thirty minute cab ride back north to a place I’ve heard about for a long time and have long wished to see.  Historic (not really) “Thames Town.”  One of the most bizarre things I’ve seen in all of China.
Legend has it that in 2005 some enterprising Chinese real estate developer decided to build a faux English village in the hinterlands of Shanghai.
I’ve heard it’s based on Chesterton.  But that doesn’t really matter because the whole thing was a debacle and nobody moved into the English houses built around the city center, despite being guarded by ceramic deer which reminded me of the Burbank Holiday Inn.
The church at the center of town was a hotbed of activity.  I saw dozens of brides & grooms shooting their wedding photos.
The reproduction of the church felt somewhat chintzy.  I’m sure the Japanese would have paid more attention to detail.
It’s impossible to capture photographically how horrible the AQI was (pushing 300), but it completed the illusion of the place being fog-shrouded.
I had chosen my attire for this expedition carefully.
IMG_0745.JPG
There was a pub or two.  This one was called Thinker and surrounded by giant fake book spines hastily repeating Lolita, The Grapes of Wrath, 1984, and Brave New World.
Scattered throughout town were unattributed, unlabeled statues.  Everyone from Shakespeare…
…to Princess Diana (in front of a spa named “Diana” but which had an inexplicable picture of Audrey Hepburn on its sign)…
…to Sir Isaac Newton lounging under a tree with an apple…
…to either an amalgamation of all James Bonds or a spot-on Sterling Archer.
Having been around for a decade now, the place felt broken in.  Reeds overgrowing the river banks, ivy on the walls, weathered wooden door frames.  But that made it all the more surreal.  Instead of a simulacrum of an English town, it was simulacrum of a knackered English town.
Out by the edge of the “River Thames” they had built a banquet hall to look like a castle battlement.
I liked the name.

Previous terminus adventures can be found herehere, herehereherehereherehere, and here.

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Lagavulin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drLwMwNOo9g

New Christmas Eve tradition:  have a 10 hour loop of the inimitable Nick Offerman sitting in front of a fireplace and sipping Lagavulin (or “mother’s milk” as he would say) playing in the background.

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Force

 May the Force be with you.  Always.

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Prosper

 Live long and prosper!

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Wheel

 Xiaohan hasn’t seen any of the Star Wars films — which is why she never laughs when I call her “Xiaohan Solo” — so she’s essentially just along for the ride.
But we all know who the real third wheel is.

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Fragrant

  Eli, Xiaohan, and I flew to Hong Kong for the weekend to see a certain movie which doesn’t open on mainland China until January.
This time, stayed at the W on the Kowloon side (here overlooking the harbor and the island.)

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Terminus IX

Had an unusual — and particularly sad — terminus adventure.  Had to see Debbie “Brutal Longjohns” Chesebro off to the airport.  It was the end of our Shanghai-nanigans ™ and Epic Tour of China ™.  Instead of flying back to L.A. as originally planned, she headed to Cambodia to rescue some Netflix production.

Previous terminus adventures can be found herehere, hereherehereherehere, and here.

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Chess

For our last night’s meal at Six Senses, Debbie & I tried out their Chinese restaurant 28 Zodiac.  It was entirely empty, so we had the run of the place.  Afterward, we dropped by the Moon Bar.  Their “Panda Resting in the Garden” cocktail sounded good, but I the name in Chinese wasn’t parsing for me.
Figured out the name in Chinese is actually “Kung Fu Panda” instead.  It came nestled in a box of rocks with a bamboo straw.Not as good as we had hoped, unfortunately, so Debbie switched to Macallan and I switched to Yamazaki.

We found a Chinese chess board (not to be confused with Chinese checkers.)  We tried learning the rules from Wikipedia, but Debbie was at a distinct disadvantage not being able to read Chinese.  I captured three of her pieces but then we realized it would probably take us all night to actually finish a whole game.

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