Since moving to Shanghai, I still haven’t mastered temperatures in Celsius but I quickly learned that I am 1.93 meters tall.

Since moving to Shanghai, I still haven’t mastered temperatures in Celsius but I quickly learned that I am 1.93 meters tall.


See that green light? Beckoning to me like I’m Jay Gatsby? Well, it hasn’t been on since 1 December 2014 when I packed up my apartment back in Pasadena. After many, many setbacks, I finally have my Apple Time Capsule back on line.
I took Daly’s advice and found an electronics mall just a few blocks east of my apartment. I was able to buy…
To quote The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, “Urethra!”
Someone wise once said, “I take two steps forward/I take two steps back.” Actually, I believe that was D.J. Skat Cat. (Not to be confused with D.J. Cat Scat, who spins at particular fetish parties.)
I managed to start a load of laundry with my wallet still in a pair of jeans’ pocket. Which is why I now have a coffee table of soggy Mao.
It doesn’t get much more meta than this. Here in Shanghai is a restaurant which specializes in American-style “Chinese food”. Beef & broccoli, orange chicken, egg rolls, General Tsao’s chicken, sweet & sour pork. Stuff like that. The place is called Fortune Cookie (which is doubly clever as fortune cookies aren’t a thing in China.)
They even have egg foo young. When I was a small child, my family loved a Chinese restaurant in North Hollywood called Joe Woo’s. (We weren’t alone, apparently. It has its own Facebook nostalgia page.) Anyway, whenever my parents ordered egg foo young they would call it “Egg Foo Young IV” as a parody of my name. I loved that.
Grampa Young would often take the whole Young clan to Joe Woo’s on special occasions. Owning a print shop, he was always whipping up quirky novelties. Like tearoff “scratch pads” of U.S. dollar bills. After Chinese food, we’d eat our fortune cookies and he’d pass around a fortune he’d printed himself which read “Help! I’m stuck in a fortune cookie factory!”
Last night, this was my fortune in the fortune cookie from Fortune Cookie:
After getting my sea shipment and confirming that I didn’t have any of the cords I need hidden anywhere, I tried finding an electronics mall that Eli & I had visited on my first visit to Shanghai over a year and a half ago. I remember that from Xintiandi we had walked east on Fuxing Rd. and that it was a multistory building on the southwest corner. My memory — both spacial & pathfinding — are above average and I’ve frequently been able to “feel out” places I’d been to before in places I’d traveled to with years or even decades between visits.
Which is why it surprised me when I went walking down Fuxing Rd. a couple weeks ago and couldn’t find it. Saturday, I decided I must not have gone far enough east, so I tried again. This time I Googled the address and spent several passes, back and forth, north/south, east/west, across the intersection looking for the place.
In fact, it was the exact intersection where I had aborted my search two weekends ago. But it had turned into a bank in the intervening 18 months. (Daly’s response when hearing that part of the story was, “We are a developing country…”)
My quest continued. Yesterday, I tried registering for Taobao (China’s eBay?) and Alipay (China’s PayPal?) — all in Chinese — with middling results and couldn’t figure out a way to fund my account without a Chinese bank account. So, today I gave up and decided to buy a replacement Mac Mini power supply from Amazon back in the U.S., have it shipped to DWA’s remailing address in New Jersey, and have them reship it to me herein Shanghai. Double shipping costs and custom duties be damned.
Instead, I screwed up and managed to get it shipped to my old, defunct address in Pasadena.
Well, fuck.
UPDATE: I was so furious with myself, I went ahead and bought another one and had it shipped to New Jersey. By next week I may be the owner of three outdated power supplies spread across three cities on two continents for an obsolete model of Mac Minis. I’d love for Werner Herzog to shoot a documentary following each one and intercutting between their different lives.
It was downright balmy this weekend. But the whole time, all I could think of was “Brace yourself. Summer is coming.”
As in “inherent vice.” The legal term, not the (excellent) P.T. Anderson film.
After nearly four months, my “sea shipment” finally arrived. Thoroughly unimpressive. Things I (obviously) didn’t need to survive here. Linens, dress clothes, emergence kits, etc.
But now I know — definitively — what I need to buy to truly settle in.

Hey, I know three of those four Chinese characters!
Today, I had lunch at Pistolera and then went to the movie theater next door for the first time.
Yes, that’s communist art deco. Really great theater, despite its long throw. It’s telling that in this market I was sold a 3D with zero warning, as if it’s the default. (Saw Wolf Totem in 3D as well, but that was at least advertised as such.)
Jupiter Ascending is garbage, but at least it’s my kind of garbage. Much as The Matrix reminded me of the previous two decades of anime & Hong Kong movies when it came out, this film echoed…
Xioahan, Eli, & I went to a movie yesterday. I had thought Wolf Totem was a Chinese movie but — standing outside by the poster, waiting — I realized it was directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud. Off the top of my head, I remembered him for directing…
Only afterward did I realize he also directed…
The last of which got him banned from filming in China until this film. It’s basically Dances with Wolves…with wolves. End of a spiritual civilization, nature degraded, etc.
From time to time on the Shanghai Metro, I find myself standing next to someone who smells of Cheerios and cat food. I try not to imagine them feeding Cheerios to a cat.
COWORKER: Do you want a cookie?
DAVID: What flavor is it?
COWORKER: Penis.
DAVID: I’m pretty sure you mean “peanut”…but now I definitely don’t want one.
Took this picture at the mall next door to my apartment but without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
In Chinese, 棒球 literally means “stick ball” but also means “excellent” or “skillful ball.”
Xiaohan, Eli, & I went to a Peking Opera performance comprising two plays. The first had lots of Wushu fighting, which was enjoyable. The second was mostly talking and singing, telling the story (I pieced together) of an emperor’s concubine returning from exile.
Eli described it best: “That was the most alien thing I’ve ever seen. Alien music, alien singing, alien costumes, alien makeup, alien story.” Utterly alien. The mannered acting reminded us both at times of bad audio-animatronics. Stiff and twitchy. Verging on the uncanny valley. As for the singing, I repeatedly thought of The Knights Who Say “Ni!”