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Monthly Archives: October 2017
Games
In James Carse’s Finite and Infinite Games, he asserts that the goal of an infinite game is to keep playing the game.
Eschatology
Per usual, I’ve been thinking a lot about Norse eschatology. About hopelessness. About assured defeat. And then I think of what C.S. Lewis referred to (in Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer) as “the Viking way”: “The Giants and Trolls … Continue reading
Orchid
Years before Sarah Silverman decided not to have children, she mentioned her reluctance to have biological children because she may pass on the depression that runs in her family. Depression is highly heritable. In my darkest moments, I’ve wondered if suicidal … Continue reading
Binge
My alcohol consumption was the clearest sign of my depression. My slow reading pace was a more subtle sign. The amount of media I was consuming at home was the least obvious, to me at least. In addition to weekly … Continue reading
Cage
Despite my nagging nihilism, I am resolute about not making any irrevocable decisions. However, the words of Philip K. Dick still often come to mind: “A cage can be a home if you have the key.”
Dagobah
I think about this scene several times a day. I often feel like Luke does: “I don’t even know what we’re doing here! We’re wasting our time!” I’m reminded of the canard about depression being “anger turned inward.”
Gravity
Another analogy that I used with my therapist at Kaiser is that my sense of nihilism is like a force of gravity, constantly tugging at me. And I burn a lot of energy just trying to keep from being pulled … Continue reading
Ember
I was telling my therapist at Kaiser that I have this tiny ember of hope about life and I keep casting around looking for kindling, hoping that I can keep it burning and making it self-sustaining.