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Tag Archives: #depression
Ember
I was telling my therapist at Kaiser that I have this tiny ember of hope about life and I keep casting around looking for kindling, hoping that I can keep it burning and making it self-sustaining.
Dagobah
I think about this scene several times a day. I often feel like Luke does: “I don’t even know what we’re doing here! We’re wasting our time!” I’m reminded of the canard about depression being “anger turned inward.”
Cage
Despite my nagging nihilism, I am resolute about not making any irrevocable decisions. However, the words of Philip K. Dick still often come to mind: “A cage can be a home if you have the key.”
Binge
My alcohol consumption was the clearest sign of my depression. My slow reading pace was a more subtle sign. The amount of media I was consuming at home was the least obvious, to me at least. In addition to weekly … Continue reading
Gravity
Another analogy that I used with my therapist at Kaiser is that my sense of nihilism is like a force of gravity, constantly tugging at me. And I burn a lot of energy just trying to keep from being pulled … Continue reading
Approaches
I was mulling over the different approaches different people take to living, but slowly realized that most approaches can be used by both those who see meaning and those who don’t. Nihilism was the only approach that I could think … Continue reading
Dream
I woke up from a dream where I had hit it off with a woman who had taken her retired parents to Disneyland and then she & I went grocery shopping while chatting about our favorite “30 Rock” episodes. I … Continue reading
Epilogue
Several lifetimes ago, I was at a gathering of people from Bel Air Presbyterian Church at a wealthy couple’s home. I believe the husband was a lawyer of some kind, but the most distinctive thing about him were his suspenders. … Continue reading
Shift
Apologies in advance. For the last few years, my blog has mostly focused on my travels. For the near future, at least, I’m going to be shifting my focus to my struggles with depression, suicidal thoughts, and search for meaning. … Continue reading
Care
My definition of self-care — Jack & Ginger, pepperoni & bacon pizza, and Marc Maron’s new Netflix special “Too Real” — may be askew.